Looking up and inward

mnl-color-3mnl-color-2mnl-color-1Manila looks a whole lot different when you look up (and invest a few dollars in an analog emulation app’s premium version). VSCO has always been my go-to, and I’ve bought so many film packs already before they introduced the X membership (but I think $20 / year might be too much?). Then there’s also Afterlight, VHS Cam, Snapseed, SKWRT — and now Kuji, the Huji for Android, which is honestly not bad. Mildly obsessed with it, and I’ve infected Ranie as well… follow our fan account? Haha.

(A random set of paragraphs about my life follows)

Well, here we are, two months into 2018, and roughly two months before the biggest thing that will happen in my life this year — actually, the biggest thing that will happen in my life for a long while. Considering that we’re looking to shore up a significant amount of money in less than 60 days, we’re still doing a LOT of “sidetrips” this month, we hit Laguna, Intramuros, went to UP Fair, and this weekend, did a videoke session that wrapped up at 3 am (!). You’d think we should be laying off the gastos and gala but no. Ok we really should. No really. And maybe buying two office chairs was a badly-timed decision. (But my back’s been killing me with my 8-10 hour writing / content work shifts???)

We’ve been packing our weekends and after-work hours with meet-ups and arrangements and coordination. There are still a couple of major things that need to be ticked off, but it’s really coming together. Yesterday, with our solemnizing officer, I did not expect to feel emotional while taking note of program nitty gritties and asking the sort of questions I’ve learned to ask w/ my producer / event runner training. But suddenly, I could visualize it. Freaking happening. And finally, I am excited.

I think I need to note that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies at all — we’re basically homeless still (condo project still not done), there’s all the money stuff, there are a million little things which we’re overlooking and which may or may not implode on our faces on D-day. But I really don’t feel that worried. Yet. Mostly, I feel giddy that I’m doing this with Ranie and our families.

And still on the topic of laying off stuff, I need to stop complaining so much. Mostly I’m grateful and good with where I am, productivity and daily-needs wise. But things can be a lot better. These past few weeks have been tough, work-wise, and I know anyone familiar with my set-up would roll their eyes — I’m working from home and basically rid of all the auxillary stress I’ve ranted about before, what am I whinging about?! — but really, I work much longer hours, but I still feel I’m not getting enough done. I’ve started reading this book, and am doing the exercises slowly but surely. Hope it helps.

Objectively, I really have very little to complain about. I’m learning a LOT and also getting the time I need for the things I need to do every day. Preparing for the big life events and all that. But after April, I wanna be back in full “career” mode. I’d like to think that I’m still in the process of finding my Ikigai — I thought I had it, for a while, but I got seriously burned out. What I’m doing now — it’s on the right path. I’ve got to keep walking…

Ikigai

 

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