I have nothing to report but stories about work – too much of it, feelings about it, realizations about it, accomplishments connected to it.
I’ve been going home late consistently for the past 3 weeks, and maybe I have been taking on more than I should be taking on. Partly my fault. Partly also not, of course. So yes, I have been pretty tired. And that leads to not always being happy. Or efficient. So I am working on it. Self-aware. Trying to be less impulsive and emotional and dramatic. Let’s see! But this much I can say: I am still into this and determined to do something great or pivotal or at least impactful so really, really, really putting in my heart and soul into this.
IT’S ENROLLMENT SEASON. Two weeks ago my thesis adviser sent me a text message. I couldn’t reply. I’m thisclose to giving up the MA Media Studies dream. Because I’m not sure if I have the willpower to fight for time to write my thesis properly. But I’ll go ahead and enroll anyway. And fight. To. finish. it. I should focus on this, no? To be less praning about work. Hay.
Money is now a perennial problem. We haven’t felt rich since like, October last year, but that’s OK. Plans hold, dreams hold, hands remain clasped together. We still get to drink beer and eat fatty low-grade Wagyu (which is still nonetheless delicious). We still get time to binge-watch vintage Friends episodes (I feel sort of thankful that I have not watched this in my teenage/college years, lest it have shaped my expectations of relationships and well… well.) We are trying to fix it. We will, probably. There’s this slow, inward epiphany that finally, in this life stage, it becomes less about fixing problems and more on just focusing on gunning for bigger things. Because “problems” in their conventional sense do not go away anymore in this life stage. And bigger things kind of always come with sacrifices and problems now. And you just kind of have to get used to and accept that. And it becomes critical to have someone who can weather it all – face the ugly, solve the bad, be a calm foil, be patient, be forgiving. It’s kind of overwhelming, sometimes, how generous he is with his faith in me. Something I’m grateful about everyday.