I have never loved my body 100 percent. But I have mostly been OK with it. Despite my perennial digestion issues, for most of my life I have eaten what I want and done (or, not done) what I want and my weight has always been ok. I don’t have a perfect figure, but I was never wanting for compliments. But I never particularly cared about it.
That’s all changing now.
As I hit my late 20s (huhu), I notice that my belly stays bulgy after a night of eating out and drinks, whereas before it could be flat on most mornings. My arms now have round shapes where there were only lean shoulders before. I have to be careful about angling my face for group shots; my jawline, which has never been particularly defined, now causes problems in terms of double chin illusions.
The funny thing is that all these issues surface on Facebook’s tagged photos. When I assess my body, I feel no different. In fact, since I sleep longer and get more physical activity now, I feel better some days. I do notice that my appetite has expanded, but I suspect that has more to do with the fact that I can afford more to eat what I want now 😆. Ignoring social media appropriations, I feel fine. I have gained ten pounds over the last two years. But I feel good otherwise. It just doesn’t look as nice on Facebook as I wish it would. That kind of says something, huh.
So. I guess my point is, I’m realizing that my body isn’t something I can dismiss or ignore anymore and take for granted. It’s changing and I have to accept it. At the same time, I need to take care of it better: watch what I eat, no vices, more exercise. Less Cheetos and liempo and more fruits and vegetables. Even more water. Maybe gradually less and less red meat.
In the meantime, that photo above, in a sando and shorts, is how I’ll remember my body by. I’m ackowledging that it will change even more in the coming years as a I get older, probably have kids, and so on. It will be harder to wear whatever I want. I’m readying myself for that, and at the same time, acknowledging that I should not be fearing that right now ‘this is as good as it gets.’
I will strive to make my body better. But more than merely achieving some supposed social media ideal, I want to work on how I think about myself. I want to be able, by the time I am 50, to love my body more and more for what it can do, instead of regretting and hating it for what it looks like.