A speck of a mountain

So. Where do I begin. At this point, I am not even allowed to begin saying anything.

A saying comes to mind: about how a speck of dust can be more painful than a pebble or even a large rock.

In this case, even maybe an icy mountain range. So you see.

(Parallels will always be there if you accept that they are there. Not that I wish this, or make light of it, or see it as wonderful premeditated patterns of life. NO.)

Am I surprised? Not really.

Am I sad? A bit.

Am I terrified? Buckets.

Am I disappointed? I would not want to be.

Am I positive that you and we can make it through this? YES.

And so it is. It’s a little ha-ha ironic though, because this is not even supposed to be the biggest thing on my mind this week. There is that other thing – a COVERAGE / trek to 2 villages nestled in icy mountains (!!!) – the story of which I was terribly excited to share and plan and pore and worry over. And I still am, I need to be, as we are actually flying off to Kathmandu in 4 days. And I have no gear, but my mind and my story-hungry eyes and heart are prepared as they can be.

But then there is this. Which is a proverbial sort of mountain, if you think about it. It’s peak and abyss at the same time, although we tend to fight off the urge to dwell and look down on the dark side of it, very hard. And it’s potentially devastating, but aren’t all the greatest miracles in the world always destructive in their onset? At the end of the day, we make do with what we are given. We realize how helpless we are. And right after that, how powerful we could be.

I say we, because my greatest, deepest wish now (and the only thing I am capable of) is to make sure that they will not feel that they are doing it alone. I want to be there. As much as I can. This, by birthright, is a blessing that I cannot ever unload from my being.

The things you need to hear, I’ve said already. Not putting here, to avoid giving it away.

Oh, but I am so, so worried. For now, and for a pretty long while, it will be OK to not think about it. But later on – well, when we’re there, let’s see.

I will not hope for anything else. I will not pray for any other outcome or alternative. Instead, I will hope and pray and claim strength and fortitude for us to go on with this. To do things as right as we can. And to keep moving on and up.

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