Dream Log After Printing My Outlines

The Eiffel tower and my whole family (of extended relatives and all, mom’s side), nomming as the sun rose beautifully over the horizon. I think that it was exactly the scene last Undas, us nomming, only displaced on the backdrop of a beautiful Parisian sunrise that was happening kinda too fast.

Also remembering: was on the brink of solving yet another mystery but conveniently I now do not remember what it seriously was all about.

I wonder why in my dreams, I am always solving puzzles. Is it because in reality, my subconscious has to repress taking charge so much, being that my dominant psyche always lets things go easily and rarely has the capacity (or energy) to take care of things (i.e. a very very watered down, personal, piggy form of laissez-faire. i.e. the weirdly optimistic and almost half-lazy paradigm. let the day worry itself away). Anyway, things do turn out OK at some point or another so I guess that… there’s nothing too exactly bad about that? (ooh 4:26 am, you bring out my teenage anxiety so well).

Another thing to tell my deigning feeling-teenage self: at this point a bit of distance does do some good from time to time. Of course the other option is still all too entirely lovely and preferable, but status quo isn’t really too bad, isn’t it? Everything seems sweeter, even the mundane things like opting for skewed chicken over sashimi (or something like that oops too much details). I mean, anyway, look how we can laugh about being “poor” as we did last night. God knows we’re still both starving, spendthrift (and 20 somethings will understand and accept how starving and spendthrift is acceptable and not oxymoronic) and steadily optimistic (there goes half-lazy) youngsters.

Wait, I don’t really want to joke too much about being “poor.” On one hand I should totally be alarmed, but I can’t bring myself to be fully so… I have this weird, unshakeable excitement deep at the bottom of my heart that things will always somehow manage to look up, and that something beautiful and wonderful is still yet about to come my way.

4:33 am. Dear God, I am totally thankful to be alive, to have dreamt/imagined nomming in Paris, to love someone who is rich not in material things but in words and laughter, and to be able to locate two segments quite near my school. Claiming, today, that we finish by 5PM. 🙂 Hoho.

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