Writing here, because this is just for me. Sometimes I feel sneaky bragging that I shut this thing down, when, I just realized, looking at the sidebar, that I have not even skipped more than six months every since I registered the domain kristagarcia as an excited UPLB freshman.
Just spent close to three hours 1) Backreading Cheeserland’s blog (I seriously don’t know why I am so addicted to this space lately) and then, of course, 2) Back-reading mine. I think I need, seriously, some internet sabbatical, I spend way too much useless time on it when my room is a mess and I have work waiting (for my professional self: two outlines and that prezi because you insist on being an underpaid superman).
OK, backreading never does me any good except to make me wallow in nostalgia, and sometimes, regret. I think misgivings are what make me revert to backreading of course. Trying to remember what I was thinking of before I entered this feeling of confusion, trying to go back to points in my life wherein I felt crappier and assessing whether I am better off now. Something like that. IDK if I’m the only one as crazy as this, but I think I’m also one of the few among my friends who have years’ worth of ramblings and (!!!) and “la lngs” still saved online. And among the many dusty boxes beneath my bed, I still have salvaged some of my high school diaries (I regret losing the earlier ones, especially my first one – I remember sooo well! – a winnie-the-pooh cover and a spiral spine which made it such a bitch to write on. And I had a matching clicky pen with it).
Anyway, just remembered all over again that what I wanted was to write more. Think I got sidetracked by the lure of celebrity and money (HAHAHA wow as if what I do is so glamorous – what else is new?) But somehow I’m not too regretful, I think, for my benefit, I’ve been darn productive and I am somehow thankful (and oookkk a little proud) of whatever little achievements I’ve done all year.
But yeah, here I am again, in a few weeks I’m gonna lose the TV work (not exactly completely by my choice, or really, because of the circumstances I created to lead them to assume, has it really not been my choice?) – – and I’ll say it here, because this is just for me: I am afraid, really. I have a long term plan (study, apply for SG, teach always there the perfect backup), but right now, I know that long term plans need planning and prep and I need a BIG MEANWHILE to fill in the interval.
So, just for me: here’s myself telling off myself, the moment all these unravels, get some hinga. Enjoy the holidays (with whatever little you’ll have leftover at your spendthrift rate). Make sure to keep some savings. Breathe, SLEEP MORE. Stop the vices (sweets and otherwise). RUN. Enjoy the academic vibe, because that’s what will help my write. Yeah. Cause whatever happened to less pose more prose of January 2012?
But before I get to do that… I need to meet tonights’ and tomorrow’s deadlines. Stop cabs… Everything else. BE BETTER.