it goes this way.

One of my favorite photos.

Posting because this morning, my thread of thought spun its way to the imagination of things a couple of months from now – devoid of his smells and sounds and touches. It makes me awfully sad already, but perhaps it’s better to be freaking out right now so that I’ll be calm and ready when it finally happens – the time and distance of 10 months and thousands of miles is no joke when you’ve spent practically every minute together for the past 3.5 years.

How can I say it here without sounding like a high school coed? I hope I can have your pillow, so that I can revel in the spirit of your smell while you’re gone. Only I’m not sure how long that will last.

The first step is ensuring that I am happy and confident with my preoccupations. So I have to do what I’ll be doing next, even if it will mean breaking hearts, not meeting expectations, and admitting, that for this one, I really might have failed. All of us.

The next step is to put all my faith into this. I prayed hard for this, I asked for this, I heard the promise of deliverance. I used to pray for other things – strength, good spirits, favor upon favor upon favor – but the answers never quite came until now. Now – what I hear is this resounding voice inside me, getting louder, every day: THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. It was all a matter of time. This was the answer I was looking for after all.

So with all that, good morning!


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